


at first sight

by rainbowsandpeaches19



Series: at first sight [1]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-11 07:17:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17442401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowsandpeaches19/pseuds/rainbowsandpeaches19
Summary: Dele is new at Spurs and finds himself a new best friend who makes his life a lot more complicated





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had no intention to write a story about these two but here I am.  
> I really don't know if it is any good but I started writting it so I can also post it now.  
> Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.

Dele was nervous like really nervous he probably had never been this nervous ever before but having his first training at Tottenham Hotspur was quite something and everyone might have been nervous. What if people wouldn’t like him, he thought, but he never had a problem with that before he actually got on quite well with everyone in his old team but maybe it would be different in a premier league team, the competition there was extreme everyone was fighting for a place in the starting team and they weren’t waiting for a young weird boy from Milton Keynes. 

But making friends was never a problem for dele before so he tossed that thought aside while he drove his car onto the parking lot at the Tottenham training ground. He found a space and sat in his car for a minute ”everything will be fine” he said out loud to himself “you are a good player they wouldn’t have bought you if they weren’t at least a little bit interested in you. What could be the worst thing that could happen.”  
Well his brain knew a few answers to this question like going on loan to some boring team next week and not getting a fair chance to prove himself or everyone hating him at the first sight.  
“Oh god brain shut up” he said while looking at himself in the mirror “amazing now I am going mental as well amazing start” he mumbled while finally pushing his car door open before him and his brain would start another arguing session. 

Well everything went quite alright he met most of his new team in the changing room before the training and to his relief the most people seemed nice and really friendly and after a few minutes he felt better already, then he met Eric. 

“Morning Dier” shouted Harry Kane through the changing room when a tall young blonde guy walked in “hey come here meet our new guy”.  
Eric dropped his bag at his place and came over to them “morning to you too Harry”, they both exchanged a handshake when Eric seemed to be reminded that there was another person standing next to Harry, “yeah morning I’m Eric” he said while he shook his hand.  
“I’m Dele” he more whispered then said out loud while smiling shyly at Eric.  
Oh god since when was he such a shy person that wasn’t like him at all, well that guy probably now thought he was a right weirdo.

The day progressed without anything special happening to him neither good nor bad training went alright he met harry winks again who he already knew, cracked some jokes with some of the players at breakfast and had a good short chat with the manager. At the end of his first day nobody in the squad had murdered him, put him in a car back to Milton Keynes or said he would be going on loan to the middle of nowhere so in his eyes the day had gone alright. 

After the first day it was easier he got used to his new routine of living with his brother in London and going to training at Tottenham and very fast his new team mates who were just strangers a few days ago started to become friends and with that shy dele turned into the real dele with a lot of charme and banter. Sharing stupid stories with harry kane cracking jokes with kyle walker learning new handshakes with Sonny and giggling through training with Winksy he settled in really fast. 

After two weeks the impossible happened Dele was just telling the story of how he played a prank on his old team mate at MK and the whole breakfast table was listening  
“And then he literally sprinted down the stairs with only one shoe on and thought he would be so late and I just got back to bed and literally cried laughed he was so mad at me and said he would never room with me again”,Dele said laughing along to his own story.  
And that was when the impossible happened, Eric at the end of the table started laughing with the others a genuine smile on his face Dele really had to double check if it was really Eric. The Eric who had spent the last two weeks basically ignoring Dele and not looking twice at him who either sat with the Belgium boys at breakfast or when at his breakfast table at the other end far away from Dele was now laughing along to his story and that was the moment Dele decided he would try to make him laugh more often. 

And he succeeded with his plan in the next two weeks they began to grow closer day by day they joked in the changing room started to partner up in training and Eric began to sit next to Dele at the breakfast table and encouraged by Sonny they started having their own little handshake with each other which Eric said was stupid and unnecessary but giggled when they welcomed each other with it the next day.  
Dele started to learn more about Eric and found out that he wasn’t actually that quiet and moody. Eric started telling him about his two dogs which were his favourite topic and him starting to play football in Portugal which yes Portugal was his second favourite topic.

And before he knew he found himself a new best friend so it came quite natural when he decided to ask Eric to come over to his in the evening to play a bit of fifa.  
He didn’t really have a lot of friends in London besides his flat mate and brother, most of his friends were still in Milton Keynes either playing football working or going to university in different cities all over the UK. 

The morning he decided to ask Eric to come over to his he was stupidly nervous why he didn’t know it was not like he was asking out some girl to a stupid school dance in his teenage years he was just going to ask his mate from football over for a bit of fifa in the evening nothing special if he said no he could have still asked winksy or kane or just played alone it was not like his life depended on it. 

So in the changing room he asked him, “just wondered do you have anything to do this evening my brother left me on my own for a couple of days to get back home and if I’m being honest it’s really boring. Do you maybe want to come over tonight to play a bit of fifa?"  
He looked nervously at Eric and wondered again what the hell was actually wrong with him.  
“Yeah why not have nothing to do today and someone has to look after you since you seem to have no friends.”  
Dele laughed,” yeah alright talk like that again and this is going to be the last time I invite you into my home”.

Dele felt way too happy on his way home from training and caught himself singing along loudly to a Taylor Swift song on the radio, really what was going on with him was he turning into a thirteen year old teenage girl or was he just going insane, maybe it was natural for young guys playing in a premier league team to go a bit mental and that was his way of dealing with the new pressure acting like a teenage girl, maybe if this feeling would be continuing tomorrow he would have to hang up some one direction posters in his living room.


	2. 2

Eric came over at around six and Dele was glad he wasn’t alone anymore he had spent his whole afternoon in a weird mood with too much energy and nothing to do which actually ended in Dele cleaning his kitchen and hovering his living room floor,which made him think he must clearly be sick because there had to be something clearly wrong with him. 

“Nice house you have here, like it”, said Eric when he entered his house and Dele thought that for Eric this was basically a love declaration for his house and his interior design skills.  
“Was just a fifteen minute drive from mine we actually live quite close.” 

They started to settle onto the couch and began their first game of fifa which Dele lost, he didn’t know how because Eric really wasn’t a good player and on a normal day he would have clearly beat him.

“Mate I thought you would be better at this all I hear you bragging about in training are your amazing fifa skills but what you just showed was shocking.” 

Dele frowned, “you are really close to never be invited into this house again if you instult my fifa skills again. Come on I want a rematch I was just tired.”

“Ooooh is little Delboy tired is it past your bed time already” Eric giggled and came closer to Dele to run his hand over his hair which made Dele blush and the intimate contact made him move away a bit from Eric.  
“okay rematch time” Dele said and looked at Eric “or are you scared?”  
“After this performance never.” 

They started a new game which Dele won and restored his faith in himself and his gaming ability again. Which was good because Dele thought if he had lost again he really wouldn't have known who he was anymore.  
“That’s what you get for pissing off the delstroyer” he happily shouted into Erics face who just laughed at Dele's childish behaviour.

“yeah well this was all luck mate, all luck” Eric said while smilingly watching Dele jumping up and down the living room.  
“Wanna play another game or should we watch some movie I know what I would pick if I were you I’m now in form and you would be lucky to get one goal in. I'm just going to destroy you again.” 

“Let’s watch a movie it would probably be too much for you if we play another game I don’t want to make you unhappy again and little Delboy probably couldn't sleep tonight and then you would be tired again tomorrow and we all know who would have to look after you tomorrow in training again.” Eric said and Dele sat down on the couch again.  
"You do know I'm not a child anymore and you are only roughly two years older than me. Even though you act and dress like a seventy year old." It was true and he had to say it, Dele thought.  
"Well you are not a child anymore but you can be a little brat sometimes and I'm pretty sure I am not the first person to tell you that."  
"Pfff I'm not that bad, stop insulting me and let's watch a movie together." Dele said while staring to flick through netflix.

Dele decided to put on some comedy which they both liked. Since they already knew the movie they started talking and the mood in the room started changing from the silliness from before to a much more relaxed and cozy environment.  
Eric told Dele about his family his parents and his siblings and how much he missed Portugal, Dele told Eric about his family the people who basically were his parents for him, the family dog who was back home and he missed a lot and his best friend and brother who was the most important person in his life and he started telling Eric that he basically pissed his pants at his first day at Spurs.  
Looking a bit embarrassed when he thought how shy and nervous he had been.

“That is one of the most normal things in the world Dele do you think I wasn't nervous I felt like I could throw up when i walked in the changing room. I didn't just walk in there and thought yeah I’m here everything will be great and I’m going to play every second of the season. I was fucking terrified that I was gonna be shit and I would not play a single minute” Eric explained “and I still struggle. Nearly everyday there is a point in which I think maybe it’s not enough I don’t even really know which position I’m playing am I a center back or a defensive midfielder or do they want me to play in goal next but it’s normal because we are young players, even though you always say I look like a seventy year old and you are even younger then I am so don’t look embarrassed when you tell me you were scared shitless at your first day” Eric said while stroking his hair a second time that evening.  
This time Dele didn't move away and just smiled at him.

“Well that went quite serious really fast” Dele said while trying to lighten the mood a bit again.  
Eric grinned “you see I am really fun to hang out with always lots of laughter with me.”  
The comedy they had put on had been over for a while and Eric looked at his phone again  
"Oh god where the hell did the time go I need to go home I still need to let the dogs out" he said while jumping off the sofa. 

Dele walked Eric to the door.  
“Was a nice evening mate let’s do it again maybe a bit less serious from my part and a bit better fifa skills from yours” Eric said before he hugged Dele quickly.  
“Hey nothing against my fifa skills I still managed to beat you once and today was not my best day, you really don't want to come over again, do you?.”  
"Yeah yeah alright should I pick you up tomorrow before training since I now know we are basically neigbours. Would be here around nine.”  
“Well neighbours is a bit of a stretch but yeah would be alright have a good night mate” Dele said while Eric jumped into his Range Rover and drove off.  
He closed the door stupidly grinning again on this weird day. Before going to bed Dele listened to that one stupid one direction song he always liked and once even tweeted about a few years ago yes maybe he was really turning into a teenage girl he thought while falling asleep.

The next morning he basically jumped out of bed he didn’t really think he was this excited to get up in the morning since his parents took him and Harry on his first ever holiday to Portugal at the age of twelve.  
He put on some Drake in the whole house and regained a bit of faith in his music taste after the taylor swift and one direction disaster the other day maybe he wasn’t turning into a teenage girl after all.  
He made his tea while dancing through the kitchen and thought he must look ridiculous the way he was jumping up and down. 

When he saw Erics car pull up outside his house he stopped himself from running outside like an excited dog and decided to rather walk to the car like a normal person. He really had to much energy this morning.

“Morning Delboy” it greeted him from the inside of the car, “I stopped at a Costa on my way hope you like the coffee didn’t really know if and what you would want”  
Dele looked at the two coffee cups in the middle of the car and smiled “I’m not that picky with my coffee thanks mate,you didn’t have to do that.”  
“Was basically on my way and I hate mornings without good coffee.”

Dele let himself fall into the cozy leather seats and started sipping on his coffee while Eric was humming along to a portuguese song. He smiled at Eric what Eric of course noticed, “Am I really that bad of a singer” he asked him.  
“You are not completly bad but I do think you should stick to football." Dele said laughing at a grimacing Eric. "No it actually wasn't you more the joice in music I don’t understand a word of what they are saying and it is not really something I would listen to.” Dele explained.

“Well I like it, not every day but it makes England feel a bit more like home when I listen to it and with the understanding part I can teach you a bit of portuguese if you want.” Eric offered.  
“Well good luck with that mate just ask my teachers in school I was a terrible at basically everything but sports.” Dele said still beaming with joy.

The Tottenham training ground arrived way too fast for Deles feelings and he wouldn’t have minded a few more minutes in Erics car.  
When they walked into the changing room Kyle looked up, “are you two now also arriving together, do you spend every minute of the day together or what.”  
Eric shook his head but shouted back” I’m sorry that nobody wants to hang with you and you don’t know how it is to have friends.” 

“To be fair Walker has a point there because I actually wanted to ask you two when the wedding is going to be” Tripps said while backing Kyle.  
“Wedding is at the end of the year and nobody of you idiots is invited because you all go on my nerves every morning”, Eric said and sat down next to Dele.  
Dele was smiling at the whole conversation he liked the bantering in the morning and he didn't have a problem that he was in the middle of it this morning. 

After training he got into the car with Eric again and they started listening to Deles music which got a not that bad comment from Eric which made Dele happy.

“Wanna come over again tonight or do you have other plans” Dele asked Eric and really hoped he would come over again he had really enjoyed the last evening.

“Tonight is not the best time my girlfriend from Portugal is coming over for a week and I have to pick her up from the airport tonight”, Eric explained “but I wanted to ask you if you want to come over for dinner tomorrow night I think Maria would really like you and you haven't met my dogs yet.”

Suddenly Deles mood dropped he had totally forgotten that Eric had a girlfriend and was not a bored single lad sitting at home every night waiting for some entertainment.  
“Yeah would be nice of course I’m coming over to yours tomorrow.” Dele faked a smile and was genuinely glad when Eric dropped him off at his house. 

His good mood from this morning wasn’t there anymore and he actually facetimed with his family who he suddenly missed a lot and later on played a bit of fifa on his own.  
Maybe the theory with turning into a teenage girl was actually true he thought these sudden mood changes could be explained with it. He actually started to be a bit concerned about his own behaviour over the last few weeks. He really wasn't acting like himself.  
He went to bed early because he had nothing to do so an early night looked like the best possibility in his eyes and thought maybe after a good night sleep he would feel better again tomorrow.


	3. 3

Even though Dele went to bed really early the other day he couldn’t get out of bed the following morning. He managed to turn his alarm off for about five times and had an endless scrolling session through his phone which was never a good idea in the morning. After that he spent an eternity in the shower and only got out because the water had started to turn cold.  
All of that resulted in Dele being so late that he had to leave his house in a hurry and break nearly every driving law on his way to the training ground.  
He basically sprinted into the changing room to be on time and hated himself for not getting out of bed five minutes earlier.  
After that start in the morning it was no wonder that he was in a bit of a mood which didn’t help it that the other lads were having an amazing time making fun of him for being late and looking absolutely miserable when entering the changing room.  
His mood didn't get any better through the day and the training session seemed to be going on forever and all Dele wanted was to just go back to bed and hide under the covers. 

He was glad when training was finally over and couldn't wait to go home when he was reminded that he already had plans for the evening. 

“You still coming over tonight?” Eric asked him.  
That was the moment Dele remembered he had said yes to Erics invitation for dinner the other day. He definitely wasn’t in the mood for some small talk over dinner and he knew he definitely would be horrible company tonight. But he also knew how stupid it would look if he just cancelled.

“yeah of course when should I come over?” he said instead of awkwardly cancelling and regretted his choice the moment the words left his mouth.  
Dele didn't even know why he hated the thought of having dinner with Eric and his girlfriend so much. Maybe he was jealous he thought, he hadn't had a girlfriend in forever and never a serious relationship to begin with. Maybe he just felt really lonely at the moment.

Eric's voice snapped him out of his depressing thoughts to ask him to come over at seven but paused to look at him.

“Everything alright with you today, you are unusually quiet this morning.” Eric looked genuinely a bit worried.  
Dele smiled at the concerned face of his friend, “just a bit tired no worries.”Dele reassured him and hoped that with a bit of sleep in the afternoon he could acutally get through the evening.

To his own suprise the evening was not as bad as expected, Erics house was really nice and cozy he loved the dogs and understood why Eric loved to talk about them and he also liked Maria.  
She was really nice and spoke English with a cute portuguese accent she smiled a lot and he seemed to get on with her quite well.  
After a bit of time he didn’t even know why he had expected to not like her.  
Eric told him over dinner that the two started out as friends and just liked to hang out with each other before they started dating and Dele could see why they seemed happy to be around each other and like the perfect couple.  
At the end of the evening he hugged Maria goodbye and felt really lonely on his drive home after being around Eric and Maria.  
Maybe it was really time for him to find a girlfriend and for once get into a serious relationship with someone. He couldn't be on his own forever but finding someone who he thought was genuinely intersting had always been a problem and he didn't think he had ever met a girl he wanted to spend more than a few days with. He had just never felt a real connection with the girls he had met.

He was glad when the next morning after training Harry was back at home and he wasn’t alone anymore. At least he wasn't feeling lonely in his own house anymore and had someone who would keep him entertained, so that there was no time for those depressing feelings.

After their game on Saturday a few of the boys decided to go out to some club to celebrate their good start of the season and Dele decided to join them asking his brother to come along with them.  
He was a bit gutted when he heard that Eric didn’t want to come with them but he wasn’t surprised because Maria was just here for a few more days.  
But he was pretty sure that it was still going to be a great night with Kyle Winksy Sonny Kevin and Tripps tagging along.

The club was loud and full of people and Dele thought it was really what he needed at the moment he had been in a weird mood over the last couple of days. He already felt better after one beer he had always been a real lightweight and had never drunk very often so he felt a bit fuzzy quit quickly.  
As the night progressed he had a stupid dance off with kyle where he was more collapsing on the floor of laughter than actually dancing but he enjoyed himself and all the attention he was getting.  
He had always loved attention, loving the feel when it seemed like the world was only revolving around him.

He started flirting with some girl named Becca halfway through the night she was pretty and seemed more than happy to be flirting with him. And that had always been enough for him, or so he at least told himself.

Dele woke up with Becca next to him in the morning and quickly realized he wanted to get rid of her. That was how it always went he just wasn't interested in any of them.  
He knew he was an asshole for basically using her for sex to make him feel better but sometimes it was that way.  
And the worst part he wasn't even really feeling better just frustrated with himself.

Fortunately she wasn’t too clingy and left without it being too awkward. Dele thanked god for it he was too hungover to deal with drama in the morning.

At the breakfast table he was greeted by Harry, “I don’t think we are going to see her around here again judging by the way how fast you got rid of her.”  
Dele shrugged “wasn’t looking for a girlfriend yesterday just a bit of fun that’s it.”  
If the whole thing would have at least been fun and not just frustrating for him, he thought.

In the afternoon he had a recovery session at Tottenham and the other boys had an amazing time teasing Dele because of his drunken dance moves.  
“You really missed out on something yesterday Dier, Dele had the worst dance moves you have ever seen but I don’t know how, still pulled and she wasn’t ugly she was actually quite hot if you ask me. Bit too hot for young Del in my opinion.”  
Walker explained the last night to Eric.  
When Eric looked at Dele he didn’t really know what to make of his face and something in Dele was quite happy that Eric didn’t seem too happy for Dele's last night success.  
“Well good one mate.” Eric said while slapping Dele across the neck and the whole situation just left Dele very much confused.

The next weeks Deles life was going good Tottenham was playing well he got a call up for the national team together with Eric for the first time, the mood in training was good and after Maria left again Dele spent nearly every day with Eric walking his dogs watching movies going to the cinema playing fifa and basketball. He met Erics friends and his brothers and Eric met his friends and his brother.  
Dele never felt like life was going better then in these weeks and the depressing and lonely feelings he had just seemed to have gone again and his good mood seemed to be back.


	4. 4

It was nearly Christmas and after another win with tottenham the boys decided to go out again this time with Eric who said he solely came with them to see Deles embarrassing dance moves in person.   
Dele had noticed over the last couple of weeks that he got a lot of attention every time he went out and while sometimes it could go on his nerves it also felt quite nice. People were flirting with him and Dele liked it, always had loved to be the center of attention. 

Most of the other lads didn’t stay that long that night and after a bit of time the only two remaining people were Eric and Dele and he had a feeling the only thing why Eric was still there was to look after drunk Dele to not do something stupid. 

It was later in the night when Dele noticed that one guy he didn’t know but had been around him the whole evening smiled at him and Dele smiled back at him and noticed that the stranger had really nice blue eyes.  
He couldn't think more about it because the next moment Eric was behind him “Del I think we should leave you are really drunk and we don’t want a scandal tomorrow in the papers if you keep going.” 

“Alright old man I’m just going to the toilet then we can go home so that you can get your beauty sleep.” Dele smiled big at Eric and then made his way to the toilets.   
He noticed the guy he had seen earlier followed him there and approached him. The stranger smiled at him” I’m Daniel” he introduced himself to Dele and Dele thought he liked his smile. The stranger stepped closer to him and Dele didn't even know how the next thing happened.  
He could vaguely remember that the stranger came closer to him and said something around the lines of “you are really pretty” or something like that. And then there was this certain curiosity in him and he felt a rush running through him when the unknown guy put his lips on his and kissed him.

Dele had no idea what was happening but after a few seconds he moved into the kiss, it tasted of alcohol and excitemement and everything just seemed to make sense in that moment.

“Are you out of your fucking mind”   
Dele heard a very familiar angry voice behind him and the next thing he knew was Eric dragging him away from the stranger.   
“How stupid can you be everyone could have walked in there you are lucky it was me” he was still fuming when they got into Erics car.

“You can drive” Dele wondered .   
“Didn’t drink a single thing had to be your babysitter the whole night.” Eric said a bit calmer now. 

Dele sunk into the car seat and his drunk mind started to progress what had just happened and actually realized what he had just done, that was when the tears started to come in.   
“I’m so sorry” he said while his eyes started to fill with tears while his body started shaking. 

Eric pulled over at the side of the road all anger gone from his face while holding Dele in his arms.   
“No I’m sorry Del I didn’t want to be this harsh okay I was a total dick.”   
One hand stroking over Deles back while the other one tried to sweep the tears away from his wet cheeks.  
"Okay Del look at me. I was in the wrong, you have done nothing to be ashamed of, you have to believe me."

Dele looked up his cheeks wet from his tears and looked into Erics eyes and started to calm down and he buried his face into Erics neck.   
He smelled a hint of aftershave and nightclub and never had Dele felt that at home in someones arms.

When he was a bit calmer Eric started the car again and they stayed silent for the rest of the drive.   
They arrived at Erics house   
“I don’t live here” Dele said and Eric had to smile about drunk Dele   
“No you don’t but I don’t want to wake your brother up when your drunk ass gets home in the middle of the night, you can sleep here.Calm down and sober up a bit.” 

Eric took him inside and basically brought him to bed in his guest bed room. Dele let himself be babied and smiled shyly at him when Eric tucked him into bed.  
Before Eric left the room a very sleepy Dele said, “thanks Eric.”   
He didn’t see Erics smile when he left.

When Dele awoke the next morning he had no idea where he was and started to panic a bit then he noticed the two dogs who were in bed with him.   
Clay and cisco what are you two doing in my bed he wondered then the memories of last night started coming back and Dele felt sick and extremely anxious. And feared what all of this would mean.

He could never face Eric again he was way too ashamed of what had happened.   
While he wondered how he could get out of the house without Eric noticing, Erics head popped into the room smiling awkwardly at Dele   
“Oh you awake now,I made breakfast, come on get up or do you wanna sleep all day?” 

Dele couldn’t say a word his mouth was dry but he got up to follow Eric to the kitchen.   
He sat in front of his scrambled eggs and still there was no way he could talk he couldn’t even look into Erics eyes. 

Eric tried small talk with him but quickly realized that he had no success with it so they sat in silence for a minute.   
It was Eric who started talking again ”I’m really sorry for my reaction yesterday I was way too harsh to you.”   
“Please don’t” Deles voice cracked and he tried holding back the tears that were starting to come in again.   
“It’s all so embarrassing why do I always have to do some stupid shit.” Dele said while staring at the plate in front of him.

”What do you mean embarrassing we’ve all been drunk before you didn’t do anything you have to be ashamed off.” Erics voice was soft while he tried to calm him down.   
“you know I’m not” his voice broke “was just drunk did something stupid.” He chocked a bit and stumbled over his words while he tried to explain himself and hated how unsure and young he sounded.

“you don’t have to explain yourself to me okay you really don’t” Eric sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug “please don’t beat yourself up and please don’t be ashamed in front of me.”   
Dele tried a smile and started looking at Erics face he didn’t look like he was lying so Dele started to relax a bit.   
“Can this stay between us please?” He whispered and Eric just nodded.   
Eric stood up “let’s go for a walk with the dogs I think you can do with a bit of fresh air.”

The walk actually did wonders for Dele and after a while he started laughing with Eric about the dogs and they started having a normal conversation again.   
“You starting to look like a normal person again” Eric stated.   
“Yeah feeling a lot better the fresh air really helps clearing your mind after a night like this.” Dele explained and he could see that Eric seemed to be glad that Dele wasn’t crying again after breaking down in front of him two times in the last few hours.   
“Can be a bit of a drama queen sometimes I’m not good at dealing with stuff” Dele explained. 

Eric drove Dele home later and before Dele could exit the car Eric said “You do know that nothing is going to change between us?” He smiled at Dele who didn’t really know what to say, so he just noded and let himself be pulled into another hug before he excited the car.

When he saw his brother Dele made a decision. 

“Hey Del thought you would never come home, thought you moved in with Dier now after he texted me tonight that he took you home to his because you couldn’t even walk a straight line anymore. Tell me Del how drunk were you and what embarrassing stories are there to tell?”  
“You don’t even want to know.” Dele answered while sitting down next to him.  
“Come on spill.” His brother nudged him into his side.

“Promise me you don’t tell anyone.” He looked at Harry who just nodded so he continued “kissed a guy last night.”   
He just said, beating round the bush didn’t really help in this situation and being straight forward seemed the best way to do it.   
Harry looked at him like he just told him that he wanted to move to Antarctica.  
“Are you taking the piss?” he asked. Dele shook his head and was suddenly scared that maybe Harry would not be cool with it.   
“Ääähm how did that happen did anyone see it and the most important question since when the fuck are you gay?”  
“I have no idea how it all happened it is a bit of a blur.” Dele answered.  
“Was it just because you were drunk and did you like it?” His brother looked at him curious.

“Well I probably wouldn't have done it if i was completly sober but more because I would have never have the balls to do it and know what this could mean for my career and I can’t say I hated it. Eric saw it and made sure nobody else saw it so the only people who know about this are Eric and you.”

“He is cool with it?” Harry asked him  
“Seemed to not have a problem was actually quite sweet about it”   
Harry grinned at him “I have no idea what to make of all of this really. I never thought you could be into guys.”  
“I don’t really know what to make out of this either” he admitted “can we just leave it at that at the moment I eventually will figure this all out just wanted to talk to someone.”

Eric held his word and didn’t tell anyone about that night when the other guys asked him what happened after they had left.   
He was glad that Eric and him were still good friends and he really had meant what he said.


	5. 5

In the new year they got another call up for the national team and Dele was really glad that it wasn’t a one off playing for his country. 

Eric and him arrived together at St. Georges park and were happy to finally be back with the national team to just spend some time with people they normally didn’t really have the chance to hang out with like john stones and raheem sterling. 

They had their first training in the evening and after that kyle john raheem eric and dele all decided to hang out together in Deles room. They watched some dumb reality tv show that was just on the tele and chatted about their current club situations and the upcoming euros this year.

“Are you all sure you will get a call up for the euros?” Dele wondered.  
“I have no idea I hope so but you never really know do you?” John said.  
“I don’t really think so I just have the feeling the manager doesn’t really plan with me for the euros.” Eric stated and everyone looked confused at him.  
“Why would you think that you have an amazing season the manager would be an absolute idiot for not taking you to the euros.” Why the hell would Eric say something like that he was an amazing player Dele wondered.  
“Yeah of course Dele that you would take him to the euros but you are also his biggest fan” Kyle laughed “but in all seriousness Eric enough with the depressing shit we are all going to the euros that’s it.” 

Later on Kyle John and Raheem all left because they all had training in the morning and the last two remaining people were again Eric and Dele. 

“Probably should go to bed as well” Eric said.  
Dele pouted “wanted to watch the next episode of this new series I started and I don’t really like watching it on my own.”  
“Okay I’ll stay if you can't be on your own, who needs sleep anyways.” Eric finally said and leaned back against the pillows on Deles hotel bed.

Dele put on the new episode while they both settled next to each other in Deles bed.  
Dele concentrated on the show when after about fifteen minutes he heard a little snore next to him. He turned around and saw Eric fully asleep next to him and he had to smile at the sight of Eric peacefully snoring.  
He put the laptop away and looked at Eric again and didn’t really know if he should wake him up or if he should just let him sleep in his bed.  
Every normal person would just wake him up and make a dumb comment about what an old man he was, he thought.  
But he just couldn’t do it the possibility of sleeping next to Eric the whole night just looked too good in his head. He looked so peacefully and he couldn’t help himself when his hand brushed through his hair and had he ever noticed how nice and long Erics eyelashes were. 

What was wrong with Dele sitting here next to his best mate watching him sleep and playing with his hair the thought of what was really going on scared Dele.  
“Oh no please don’t” he whispered to himself.  
Everything made sense now all the last months made so much more sense after what Dele had just realized, him always wanting to be friends with Eric when he was just ignoring him and how happy he was when he finally smiled at him, his promise to himself to make him laugh more often, the happy feelings when they would spend time together, the incredible jealous feelings he had when Maria was in London for the first time and every time Eric mentioned her in front of him and all the smiles and fuzzy feelings he had when Eric was around. 

“Oh no no that can’t be happening” he whispered again.  
He had just realized he had slowly but steadily fallen in love with his best mate and had feelings he never had before for another person.  
This was an absolute mess what would happen if Eric would find out.  
He just couldn’t find out Dele had to make sure of that. What was he even thinking Eric was as straight as one comes and genuinely in love with his girlfriend. And he had found an amazing friend in him why must his feelings come in the way of that it was so typically Dele to wreck things when they were finally going great. He could have fallen in love with any girl or even every other guy who wasn’t his best friend and teammate.  
Stupid stupid Dele he thought this was by far the dumbest thing he had ever done by a mile.  
The only solution to that problem was to distance himself from Eric that was the only possibility to make all of this go away. But the thought alone pained Dele, Eric had become such an important part in Deles life that he couldn't imagine how it would be if they wouldn't spend so much time together. But he had to do something Eric just couldn't find out that he, Dele his best mate had fallen in love with him.

But this one night now wouldn't do more harm he convinced himself and thought that there was still time tomorrow to make a plan on how to avoid Eric, so that he wouldn't find out about his embarrassing feelings. He settled into bed next to Eric and let himself relax with the warm body beside him. After a while he fell asleep and drifted into a deep sleep. 

“Ähm Dele I can’t move my right arm could you please wake up”  
Dele was confused why was there Erics voice in the morning and he opened his eyes which didn’t really help his confusion because the only thing he saw in front of his eyes was Erics body in a black tshirt he looked up to see Eric smile down at him.  
“Morning Delboy could you please give me my arm back” he laughed.  
That was when Dele realized that he held Erics arm while literally being curled up next to him with his face nearly laying on his chest.  
“Oh sorry” he moved quickly away from him the smell of Eric still in his nose.  
“Must have fallen asleep yesterday while watching netflix” Eric explained the situation to a confused looking Dele who knew exactly what had happened yesterday but decided that it was better to not say anything and make things weird.  
“Didn’t know you were such a cuddle bug” Eric laughed while he got up “should probably get to my room to get ready don’t really fancy missing training. Thanks for lending me your bed for the night” Eric said before walking over to him and giving him a kiss on the head and then just walking out of the door. 

Leaving a very confused Dele behind who didn’t really know what to make out of this situation. He let himself fall back onto the bed, what the hell was that all about. Besides every fiber of his body wanting to just hide under the covers Dele got up and got under the shower. 

His mind switching to Eric when his muscles started to relax under the warm water, was it really true that he had fallen for Eric maybe his mind had just played a few tricks on him last night but the feeling he had this morning after basically sleeping on Erics chest the whole night gave him an inkling that it was not just his tired mind playing dirty tricks on him.

But really Eric, Dele wondered, the guy who had next to no fashion sense and was always walking around in way too baggy shirts and sweatpants who was the worst fifa player he had ever seen, the guy who always made the worst jokes so that nobody besides Dele would laugh about them, who loved to have a quiet night in with his dog rather than going out.  
Eric who hated chaos and always had to have everything organized and got mad at Dele when he would place the tea bag in the sink and not in the bin or when Dele would walk into his house with his shoes on because Eric had this dumb no shoes inside rule in his home. Yes really the guy who listened to terrible music, played chess and read those boring books he always told Dele about and hated cereal, literally what person hates cereal. 

Well this was going great Dele thought maybe he could make a list with all the terrible things about Eric maybe after seeing it written down he would realize what an absolutely boring and lame guy Eric really was. But Eric was also the person who was always there for Dele who would jump into every fight for him just to protect him. Eric who always smelled like home had these broad shoulders and those incredible blue eyes that he always had the feeling looked right through him.  
No no no that was going terrible that wasn’t what he wanted at all what was wrong with him.  
He got out of the shower to run away from his thoughts stepping in front of the mirror to brush his teeth.

“Don’t look at me you dumb bitch this is all your fault” he said to himself in the bathroom mirror and shook his head about his own stupidity.

He got ready trying to think of something else like the upcoming games with England or literally anything else but Eric. When he was finally ready he walked out of his room to the elevator pushing the button to go to the breakfast room when someone was sliding inside of the elevator before the doors could close.  
Dele didn’t even have to look up to know it was Eric who just got into the lift with him and Dele wanted to just bang his head against the wall, how could he think of anything else then Eric when he was standing right next to him.  
“Morning again Delboy” a cheerful Eric said.  
“Slept terrible last night must have been because of your massive body next to me.” Yeah Dele brilliant insulting your crush welcome back in middle school he thought.  
“ Can’t be too bad to sleep next to since you basically slept on top of me while wanting me to lose an arm because you used it as a cuddly animal tonight” Eric smiled at him and seemed to love the embarrassment on Deles face.  
“yeah alright glad I made you happy tonight” Dele couldn’t think of a better response and was glad that the lift had stopped at the right floor and they could go to breakfast now.

The breakfast room was already quite full and Dele and Eric sat themselves on a table next to Harry Kyle and Tripps who already had some scrambled eggs with toast in front of them.  
The whole breakfast Dele was on edge because he waited for Eric to tell the story about them both falling asleep last night and him waking up in the morning with Dele cuddled up next to him, the other guys would love the story. But to his own surprise Eric didn’t say anything and while Dele was incredible glad about it he wondered why Eric chose to not make an embarrassing story for Dele out of last night in front of the other lads.


	6. 6

Over the next few weeks Dele really tried to stay away from Eric and to distance himself from him but it really wasn’t going great.   
Every time he tried to be with different people in different training groups Eric either jumped into their little circle the last minute or tried to make Dele laugh from the opposite side of the pitch.   
Also Dele was running out of excuses when Eric tried to invite him over for a session of fifa or just to hang out with him and the dogs. 

It was after a game when Dele was just approaching his car with his brother by his side when Eric decided to just crash into the conversation. 

“ Hey guys any plans for the night maybe wanna go for some drinks with me?” Eric suggested and all Dele wanted to do was to just say yes and have a fun evening with Eric and Harry but he knew that it wasn’t going to be a great idea.

“ Sorry mate already have plans for the night have a date with some girl I met on tinder the other day” Dele decided to lie and regretted it the moment he said it.   
Harry couldn’t look more confused but to Deles luck stayed quiet.

Eric looked nearly as confused as Harry which was no wonder because Dele hadn’t mentioned girls or dating ever since the club kiss fiasco.  
“Oh well yeah that’s probably better than hanging out with me well might try to facetime Maria tonight so that I’m not completely lonely.” said Eric trying to force a smile on his face but failing miserable at it. “Well have a good night lads see you in training Del.”

“Okay get in the car Del we have to talk, what the hell was that all about” Harry looked at him still very much confused.   
“Now tell me what is going on you don’t have a date tonight and you haven’t mentioned any girls in forever.” Harry demanded

“Just didn’t want to go for drinks with Eric, wasn’t feeling it.” Dele tried to excuse his weird behavior.

“yeah cause I’m going to believe that so you weren’t feeling tonight as you weren’t feeling Eric these last few weeks he basically wasn’t around ours in ages after you two spend the last few months glued to each other. Don’t tell me that isn’t weird.”   
Dele knew Harry wasn’t dumb and he eventually would notice the absence of Eric in his life but still wasn’t prepared what to tell his brother.

“Can I not get sick of a person do I need an excuse for that.” Amazing Dele thought he sounded more and more like a moody child who didn't want to play with his friend anymore because he stole his favourite toy. How old exactly was he, five?

“I might believe you more if I hadn’t spend the last months with Eric in our house or alone because you were at Erics or because I had to hear every funny thing Eric has ever said or done at every dinner we had together.” Harry mentioned and it made Dele blush had he really been that obvious.

“If you tell anyone I will kill you with my bare hands okay?” Dele said and meant it, if he would hear any of his old mates from school joking about this he would bury his brother in his own back garden.   
But Harry just nodded interested in what Dele would tell him next.   
“ I might have developed some feelings for Eric which makes it a bit awkward to be around him.” He explained looking embarrassed out of the window.

“Oh my god Del that could only happen to you could it.” Harry laughed tears coming into his eyes so that Dele was concerned for a bit that he would actually crash the car.   
Well Dele thought if that wasn't his way to die what was it, his brother laughing too hard about the fact that Dele had fallen in love with his team mate and best friend would be the ultimate end to the absolute joke that was his life.  
“Really someone like Eric is your type” Harry blurted out.  
And Dele wanted to hit him on the head why couldn't he have a normal brother but no he had this absolutelely useless idiot by his side.

“That is the question you are asking as my manager and brother that is what you are interested in if someone like Eric is my type” Dele shook his head at his brothers reaction.

“ Before I am your manager I’m still your brother and I am genuinely curious about all of this. Might there be an actual chance of him fancying you back?” Harry asked and stopped laughing and actually looked interested at Dele.

“ Well I don’t think so for the start he is straight and has an actual girlfriend that might be a bit of a problem and he doesn’t see me as anything more than a mate you can be sure of that.” Dele stated and wondered what Harry was thinking in what universe would Eric have feelings for him.

“ Well I also always thought you were straight since to the point when you kissed a guy at a club and come on Erics girlfriend is basically never in London when was the last time those two seen each other in person it must have been at least two months ago when she was last in London. Why not just tell him how you feel because hiding from him won’t help either of you and when you tell him you will see if he is a real friend because if he is one he will not stop hanging out with you just because you think he looks hot in his training gear and you can also stop wondering if there might be a little chance of him maybe fancying you as well because if he did you will notice when you tell him.” Harry explained to him.

“Since when are you an expert in this field” Dele wondered. And looked confused at him maybe he wasn't such a useless idiot after all but he would never admit that to him he would hear about it for the rest of his life.   
“There is just one question now how the fuck do I tell my best mate that I have feelings for him.” Dele said while hiding his face in his hands while he heard Harry chuckle beside him.  
“Well I have no idea that is all your problem, never had that pleasure before in my life.”

Of course the next time he saw Eric he asked him how his date went and Dele had no idea what to say so he came up with the worst excuse he could think of and said he canceled because he wasn’t feeling too good later on that evening which Eric seemed to believe or wanted to look like he believed Dele to make him not look more uncomfortable.   
Dele was just glad he didn’t have to answer more questions about a girl that had never existed and a date that never had been planned. 

 

He decided that staying away from Eric was a bad idea and just made him seem more suspicious but he still didn’t know if he should tell Eric about his feelings, what Harry said made sense but he also had no idea how he should tell his best mate he had feelings for him and he also wasn’t ready to lose Eric if he would react badly to the news.   
So Dele still had no idea what to do but knew he eventually had to do something.  
It was a Saturday night after another game when Eric asked Dele if he wanted to come over to his for dinner and even though the boys had asked Dele to come out with them Dele couldn’t resist the invitation of Eric. So he happily went home with Eric after the game.

“So what is for dinner tonight” Dele asked interested when him and Eric entered Erics kitchen.  
“Don’t really know thought I could make lasagna, mine is actually quite good and I thought that is something you would actually eat.” Eric responded   
“ Yeah why not should I help you make it but as you know I am terrible in the kitchen I can’t even make a scrambled egg.” Dele said laughing.  
“I don’t know maybe you can chop some carrots and tomatoes without chopping off your right hand if that is possible.”   
Eric actually looked a bit concerned at the thought of giving Dele a sharp kitchen knife in his hand.  
“Can’t promise that but I will try my best.” Dele said laughing.

The cooking actually went quite well, Dele didn’t chop off his right hand, he managed to help Eric a little bit and just made a bit of chaos in Erics kitchen which was an improvement to the last times he had stood in one.  
When the lasagna was in the oven Dele decided to play with the dogs who had watched them closely in the kitchen. He had an amazing time jumping through Erics living room and hallway with the two Labradors and was laughing at their excited faces. When after a while he noticed Eric standing in the doorframe of the living room watching Dele and the dogs.

“They really like you they don’t look that happy with everyone.” Eric said and smiled at Dele.

Dele didn’t really know what to do so he just smiled dumbly back at Eric and could have slapped himself for standing there like an idiot. His feelings for Eric started to become more and more of a problem and he started to act like a lovesick teenager again.

When the lasagna was ready they sat down on the big table Eric had in his living room and Dele was really surprised how good it tasted.   
While eating Dele made a decision that he wanted to tell Eric something not really the big secret but maybe a little start to it and maybe his reaction would show Dele if he could actually tell him the whole truth.

So when they settled on the couch after dinner and Eric was just looking through Netflix to see what they could watch, Dele finally found the courage to say something.

“Can I tell you something and if I do could you please stay quiet about it.”   
Eric noticed from the look on Deles face that it had to be something serious because he didn’t look like he was just having a laugh so he nodded.

“You know the date I said that I had and then canceled it. That date never existed I actually haven’t looked at girls in forever ever since the kiss with that stranger in the club I just seem to have realized a few things about myself. Like looking back at past relationships I had with girls there was never something there and it always seemed kind of empty. And that kiss made me think maybe it actually has to do something with me and it is not just the girls who never seem to be the right one for me. I think the feeling that something wasn't right had been there for a while but I don't think I wanted to realize what this would mean for me."  
Dele paused for a short moment before he got the words out he wanted to say for a while to someone else.

"Eric I think I might actually be kind of gay.”   
Dele finally said out loud and while it was not the whole truth saying these words out loud for the first time felt really good. After the first relief Dele looked worried at Eric because while Eric maybe had kind of expected something like this,he had after all see him kiss another guy, hearing it out of Deles mouth could make him feel different about it. 

If felt like an eternity for Dele but it was actually just a few seconds when Eric said nothing and just moved closer to Dele and put his arms around him.   
Dele was so relieved that he just let himself fall into Erics arms his face buried into Erics neck and he never felt safer as when Erics big hands were stroking over his back.   
Dele didn’t know how long they stayed this close but it felt like really long and way too short at the same time and he wanted to never let go of Eric again just wanted to stay like this forever and feel safe from the world. 

When they finally moved away from each other Eric said” please don’t ever be embarrassed in front of me and feel like you can’t tell me something okay?” 

Dele nodded and probably this would have been the perfect moment for Dele to tell Eric about his feelings for him but he couldn’t do it.  
So the moment went by and with it the chance of Dele telling Eric about the other big secret he was keeping.

“Come on enough with that emotional bullshit for tonight” Eric said to make the heavy feeling around them disappear.  
“That’s alright with me.” Dele said and they eventually started watching a movie together with Dele cuddling up next to Eric.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in the mood to write some heartbrake after todays game.

After an amazing season Dele and Eric both got a call up for the euros which Dele thought was one of the happiest moments of his life and to share that moment with Eric made it even better.

Even though Dele was really happy to be a part of the England team in a big competition and was proud to represent his country in such a big tournament the whole euros campaign didn’t feel right from start to finish it was not like they had a bad feeling in the squad or that the players didn’t like each other they actually all had a good time together but it was rather that they never really felt comfortable playing with each other and that they all felt like the pressure was weighing them down and their chemistry with the manager never really felt right. 

From the first game on it didn’t really work for them and they weren’t playing good. Dele really struggled with it and it was once again Eric who calmed him down and said that they could still be turning stuff around and they would just need some time. Even though they didn’t play well they got into the next round and all hoped this would be the turning point in this tournament. 

It was the night before the game against Iceland and Dele and Eric were in Deles room Dele playing on his playstation course it always calmed him down before games and Eric was sitting in his bed reading a book when Dele looked at Eric  
“We are going to win this tomorrow there is no other way or not?” Dele said wanting some reassurance from Eric who looked up from his book.

“Well you never know but I think our chances are good we are clearly the better team and we have some strong players in our squad which they don’t have and we also have our new star player from Tottenham. I don’t know if you know him? he is called dele I don’t know if you heard from him” said Eric trying to make Dele laugh.  
“Oh yeah I forgot we have him in our squad well with him we are totally gonna win this tomorrow” 

 

They didn’t win and in fact they played horrible and when the final whistle blew Dele just wanted to dig himself a hole and never come out of it again. The mood in the changing room was horrible nobody spoke, everyone just wanted to disappear and Dele just wanted all of this to end.

When they were back at the hotel he just wanted to not be alone and he looked at Eric who was walking next to him to their rooms but hadn’t spoken a word to him since the final whistle.  
Even though Dele didn’t want to be alone he didn’t dare to ask Eric who seemed lost in his thoughts, when Eric broke the silence between them.

“You wanna come into my room or do you want to be on your own?” Eric said while he swung the door to his room open.  
Instead of an answer Dele just walked into Erics room and sat himself down on his bed. Glad Eric had suggested it himself because Dele knew the only person who could make him feel better now was Eric and he was happy they were speaking again because the silence between them after the final whistle had scared Dele.

“I feel so unbelievable stupid we let everyone at home down” Eric said and Dele had never seen him like this before.  
Eric had always been there for him had always been his protector and was always so strong that it hurt Dele to see him that upset and down.  
Dele had never been good with words and was himself too hurt to say anything encouraging so he just pulled Eric into a hug. And hated that he didn't know what else to do. Why was he so useless, he thought.

It was Dele clinging onto Eric the same way Eric was clinging onto Dele both full of disappointment. But as always a hug from Eric did the trick for Dele and he felt himself relax and all the weight from his shoulders dropping down.

It was Eric who looked at Dele after a while, looking at his face, his hand moving into Deles hair gently stroking through it and then Erics face moved closer to Deles.  
Dele who stopped breathing when he saw how close Eric was and couldn’t believe what was happening and certainly their seemed to be no air left in the room and then their lips met.  
The kiss starting out as shy and innocent because they didn’t know what to do, before they both started leaning more into the kiss.  
It was like Dele had imagined it in his mind like a hundred times just so much better the kiss tasting of sadness but also of excitement and it just felt too right. And Dele felt like this was the best moment of his life.  
Eric had his hand in his hair when the kiss started to get more intense and he just never wanted it to end just wanted Erics hands all over him.  
Dele was surprised by his own confidence when his hand moved under Erics shirt touching his chest and Eric deciding to remove his own shirt in the process. Dele started to kiss his way down from Erics neck to his chest not knowing where this sudden confidence came from when Eric removed Deles shirt and started to touch his chest and his fingers running shyly over the younger guys stomach. 

Dele wanted to touch every part of Erics body and he started to lick over his nipples and liking the sounds he could draw from Erics mouth with it. Yes this was by far the best moment of his life and he thought if someone would ask him later on in his life if he could revisit one point in it, it would a hundret percent be this moment.  
Deles hands were coming close to his team mates jogging bottoms and because he decided to not think that night reached into them for Erics dick who was as hard as Dele was, who felt his dick pressing against the fabric of his trousers and already leaking into his boxers.  
They both removed their trousers and boxers and Dele knew that he should be embarrassed how much he wanted to be touched by Eric how much he wanted to feel his hands on him and how desperately he pressed himself onto Eric.  
When Erics hand finally found Deles hard length and started too slowly move up and down a moan escaped his lips and he himself reached for Erics dick again and knew what they were doing wasn’t wrong because all of this just felt too good and right. 

It was a night full of messy kisses and messy handjobs under the covers in the secret of their hotel room in France and they both came way too quickly but Dele never felt like this ever before loving every second of their night together.  
It was about three in the morning when they both fell asleep, at first Eric and just after a few minutes Dele who still couldn’t believe that all of this had happened.  
He wanted to stay awake for a bit longer to watch Eric sleep but after a few minutes he drifted into a deep sleep.

 

Dele woke up the next morning because the body who under him moved, when he opened his eyes the last night flashed before his eyes and the happy feeling was there again.  
He looked up to Eric to see if he was also awake or if he was still asleep when he saw that he had his eyes open a shy “Morning” escaped Deles mouth.  
He was so unbelievable happy again and felt like he was glowing, he wanted to wake up every morining of his life with Eric next to him. He wanted this right here to be his future.

But from the first moment when Dele looked at Eric he knew that something had changed from last night and he could almost feel his heart breaking inside of him when Eric looked at him. 

“Morning” Eric said and didn’t really know what to say but he didn’t have to, the look on his face showing Dele everything Eric couldn’t put into words.  
“I’m sorry” he finally said.  
“That was a mistake last night that should never have happened. I just wanted to not be alone and you were there Del.”  
His voice broke and he looked like he was full of regret of what had happened.  
Dele couldn’t stand any of this and knew he had to get out of this room because he didn’t want to cry in front of Eric showing his real feelings.  
But couldn’t help himself when he sounded hurt when he said “yeah was a mistake I better go then.”  
Eric sensed that he hurt Dele with his words and said “I am really sorry Del I didn’t want any of this.”  
Dele only heard all of this on his way out of Erics room his eyes already burning because of the tears that started to come in and breaking down in his room when he let himself fall onto his bed.  
He just sobbed into his pillow and couldn't believe how he went from the most happy person to this now.

He didn’t look at Eric on their way home to England and trying really hard to keep it together.  
Gladly nobody noticed how quiet Dele was because everyone was still affected from last nights loss against Iceland. He didn’t say goodbye to Eric when they made their way away from each other for a few weeks for the summer break.

But there was someone who noticed that Dele wasn’t alright and of course it was his brother when they were back at home at Deles, he couldn’t stand the silence anymore he had gotten from Dele since he had picked him up from the airport. 

“Come on tell me what happened and don’t lie to me and tell me it was just the defeat last night. I know you too well to know that it is something else.”  
And Dele started to talk, telling Harry about the last night he had with Eric and how good everything felt and that he had never been happier then when he fell asleep on Erics chest and how horrible the next morning was with Eric breaking his heart into a million pieces when he looked at him full of regret. 

“Why did he do this to me why would he just use me to make him feel better” Dele asked tears streaming down his cheeks again.  
“Well maybe he just freaked out Del maybe he didn’t know what to do when waking up next to his best mate after a night like this and that was his response. Remember how you freaked out after you kissed that stranger and when you realized that you had feelings for Eric maybe that was his freak out.” Harry said trying to calm him down.  
“yeah maybe but I just really want to be happy for once in my life don’t you understand that.” 

“Of course I do but maybe after a bit of time he will feel different about it. I don’t say he will feel different about it but there is a possibility of it. Maybe a bit of time and distance between you two, will help the whole situation. Let’s just go on our holiday and just have fun and forget all of this for a little while it will do wonders for you.I promise you that”


	8. 8

They went on their holiday to Ibiza the next day with Deles sister and her boyfriend and some of Deles old friends tagging along.  
Dele from the first moment of the holiday decided to not think about Eric and even blocked his number in his contacts because he just didn’t want him on his mind. 

He was sleeping till noon, relaxing most of the day in the sun on the side of their pool or on their yacht, swimming and messing around with his friends and spent most of the nights drinking and partying.  
And because Dele decided to just live on this holiday and not think about consequences hooked up with some cute Spanish guy he met at a fancy pool party he was called Marco had lovely brown eyes and a very cheeky flirty smile and Dele thought he could have really liked him if there wasn’t Eric still on the back of his mind.  
But they had a fun time together with messy kisses and Marco dropping on his knees in a bathroom and giving Dele a blowjob. What was it with him getting messy with cute guys in bathrooms he thought. 

After two weeks Dele never wanted to go home again but knew that in two days he had to go home to England again and he hated the thought of it. 

“Thought of maybe going to another team a lot of teams probably want me after my starting season at Tottenham there might be the possibility to go to an even better club.” Dele said out of nowhere to Harry when they were sunbathing at the pool.  
“ What did you just say? Did I just hear you say you want to change teams this break or am I hallucinating.” Harry looked at him more than confused and then seemed to realize.  
“Oh come on Del please tell me this is not about Eric again I can’t do this anymore. When we are back in London I am going to lock you two in a room together so you can sort this out. We are definitely not changing teams because of Eric Dier you understand me and this is coming from me as your brother and manager. As much as I understand how difficult this all is for you, we are not ruining your career because of him.”  
“But it is going to be so awkward to see him again after three weeks of summer break and we never really talked about what happened between us and he still has no idea how I really feel about him.”  
“I`m always there for you, you know that, but Del that is your problem sort it out I know that all of this is not ideal but you have to learn to deal with stuff not run away from it.” 

Dele knew his brother was right with everything he said.

On his last night in Ibiza he checked Erics instagram for the first time since he had arrived and saw that Eric had gone back to Portugal and found three pictures that he didn’t know one with his brothers and one with his nephew and one of his dogs sitting on the beach in Portugal. No pictures with Maria Dele thought and didn’t know if it was a good or a bad sign that he hadn’t posted a picture with her.

 

When he was home again in England he spent the last days of his break with his family in Milton Keynes enjoying to be back home and acting a bit like a kid again with Sally making him pancakes for breakfast in the morning and going for walks with the dog like old times.  
He also decided to talk with Sally about Eric who reacted like a mom would react to news like this pulling Dele into a hug and asking him why he hadn’t come with it to her earlier because he could always talk to her about everything. 

But also his time back at home got to an end and it was time to face reality again and go back to London and back to training at Tottenham which meant also going back to seeing Eric.  
On the evening before the training was going to start again, he had a text message from Eric asking him if he could come over because they had to talk and he wanted to start the new season on a good note between them.  
For a second Dele thought of cancelling and wanted to write back that he was already busy but decided to write him back that he could come over, maybe a chat would help them clear the air so that they at least could act normal in training again when it would start tomorrow.

Since the moment Eric wrote him back that he was on his way over Dele felt like throwing up and had no idea what to do when he would see Eric after three weeks again. He was glad that Harry had decided to stay home for a few more days, so now he could at least chat with Eric alone without a noisy Harry trying to overhear their conversation.

When the doorbell rang Deles heart dropped and every fiber of his body told him to not open the door and let Eric in but he knew how stupid that would look so he got up and walked to the door.  
When he opened it he saw Eric again for the first time in three weeks, he had gotten a bit of a tan from his time in Portugal but besides that was still the same Eric he had last seen at the airport and just wanted to get away from. 

“Hi Del thought we might need to talk” Eric finally said after they starred at each other for a bit.  
“Yeah come in” Dele said while now starring at his floor, feeling too hurt to even really look him in the eyes again.

They sat on the couch in Deles living room and it was again Eric who found his voice first again “I’m really sorry about what happened”  
“Yeah you said that before and I actually understood that message quite well.” Dele responded sounding more hurt then he had intended.  
“But I also had a really long time to think about it in the last three weeks and I know that I acted like a total dickhead. And I still think that it probably shouldn’t have happened.” Eric tried to explain himself.

“Again I already know that will you just come to the point in which you ask me to just forget about it so that we can act like normal people in training tomorrow and nobody will notice anything.” Dele didn’t want to hear all of this again he didn’t want to hear again what a mistake he had been.  
“No Del that is not why I am here tonight, when I thought about that night it was not like I hated it or I didn’t like it, but don’t you understand I am not gay. I have never been attracted to any guys before and this hasn’t changed since we had that night together but I also can’t tell myself that I hated you being all over me or that I see you only as a mate because that would be a lie as well.” Eric said nervously.

Something in Dele shifted had Eric just said that he didn’t just see him as a mate, so he asked him,  
“Told Maria that or were just thinking all of that in your head” 

“After a week of being a moody asshole in Portugal I told her about our night together and she seemed to understand. We talked about everything, because I didn’t want to lose her, she is just too important to me so we decided to just stay friends for the moment, but Del I also can’t promise you anything here. This is not a love story and this it can’t be one. That is just not the environment for it, in which we are living and working in where something like this isn’t supposed to happen.” Eric looked at Dele who didn’t really know what to make of what he just had heard.

“But what does this mean for us because if I am being honest here Eric I really don’t want to lose you because you are way too important to me.” Dele had no idea what to think anymore and just looked at Eric for an answer.

“I want us to stay friends and team mates but I also can’t deny that there is something between us even though it makes no sense because you are the only guy who makes me feel like this. But again I can’t promise you anything I can’t tell you that we are boyfriend and boyfriend now and all of that but I can promise you that I will be the best friend you ever had and I will be there for you when you need me. But this is not going to be an exclusive thing between us if you find someone you like or I find a girl that I like then we can still go back to being friends and stop with everything else, there just can’t be too many feelings in this because that just wouldn’t work.”  
Dele looked at Eric and even though that was not what he really wanted and it would probably break his heart in the process he just couldn’t say no to this he just needed Eric in his life and this was better than nothing. If this was all Eric had to offer then he would take it, even if it would be only for a limited amount of time.

“Okay” he finally said smiling shyly at Eric “glad to have you back Diet”  
“Glad to have you back as well Delboy I missed you these last few weeks.”


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not really moving the story forward but I just wanted to give them a bit of a break from all the drama.

It was weird how fast they got back to being like they been before and how easy it was to be friends again. 

When Harry was back in London again Dele told him about the development in his relationship with Eric.  
“Wow Dele you are really more stupid then I thought you know that this is totally going to end in chaos and will be an absolute disaster.” Harry shook his head in disbelieve about Deles stupidity.  
“I am able to control my feelings and maybe he will come around to it one day and do you really wanted to see me miserable for the next few weeks. I would have been a real nightmare.” Dele said.  
“Yeah for the moment you are happy we have just postponed the heartbroken miserable Dele for a few weeks or months. At least I can prepare myself for it now.” It seemed like Harry had given up trying to persuade Dele that he was on a path to self destruction.

 

While it was easy going back to being friends, it didn’t mean that the new parts of their relationship couldn’t be awkward between them.  
It was the first time Eric stayed over at Deles after they talked and while they spent the evening playing fifa, after that it got a bit awkward because none of them knew what was going to happen, this was all new to them.   
The first time they had hung out with each other after they talked about their relationship, they went shopping together and then Eric had driven Dele home and that had been it.   
But now this would have normally been the time when Eric would have went home but Dele didn’t want him to go, wanted him to stay but saying this out loud just felt weird.

Oh come on Del he tried to persuade himself just kiss him that will show him that you don’t want him to go and it will not be as awkward than saying it out loud. 

Dele took all his courage, moved closer to Eric and kissed him. And it worked Eric moved into the kiss and they kissed for a few minutes.   
When they moved away from each other Eric said “Seems like I am not going home tonight” and smiled. 

They moved to Deles bedroom and Dele hadn’t realized how much he had missed to be touched by Eric. When he kissed down Erics chest and stomach he stopped for a short second on his boxers removed them so that his mouth could kiss further down Erics body.   
“You don’t have to do this Del” Eric said after he realized what Dele was trying to do.   
“But I want to” he responded before his tongue licked over Erics already hard dick for the first time and then started to slowly take him into his mouth which made Eric moan and Dele loved what sounds he could draw from Eric when he sucked him off.   
It wasn’t perfect but Dele thought he was doing alright because Eric seemed into it.   
Eric came on his face and Dele had never seen anything more beautiful then Erics face in the darkness of the room all his and full of pleasure. 

When he woke up in the morning the awkwardness was back because waking up together was again really new to them.   
“Morning” he said smiling at Eric but there was a fear inside of him that it would be like the last time they had woken up together.  
“Morning Del” Eric responded smiling awkwardly at him.   
Dele was happy because it seemed like it would not be a repeat of last time so he leaned against Erics chest again.   
“I think we should get up Del if we don’t want to be late for training.” 

They got up before it would get weird again between them and both got ready.  
When they walked into the kitchen together Harry was already up, sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee.  
“Oh Morning you two dumbasses, weird seeing you in my kitchen in the morning Eric.”   
Eric didn’t really know what to say so he just stayed quiet and tried to ignore Harry and Dele wanted to slap his brother, why did he have the feeling that he needed to make such a show out of this. Was this not awkward enough without Harrys dumb comments.  
“Why are you even up Harry didn’t you have a date yesterday and came home quite late from it.” Dele responded snarky.   
“Well when I came home I realized we had Eric as a guest over so I decided that I wanted to see that car crash of yours live in my kitchen in the morning and now I am here.”  
“ Amazing thanks idiot” Dele shook his head at his brother and wished he never would have had the idea to move in with him in the first place. 

After a few more awkward minutes in the kitchen Eric decided it was time to end it.   
“We should really go now, as lovely as this morning was with you Harry it has to come to an end now.”   
“Nice seeing you too Eric.” Harry screamed after him when he left the kitchen.   
If looks could kill Harry would have dropped dead right there in the kitchen after the look Dele gave him.

They both jumped into Erics car where Dele apologized for the behavior of his brother but Eric just shrugged it off “if one of my brothers would know about this, they probably would have done the something similar, they just really like to embarrass me, brothers can be a real nightmare sometimes.” 

In Deles eyes things were mostly going great and he just wanted to spend every day with Eric he didn’t even care what they would be doing, Dele would happily be watching Eric doing his dishes or reading a book as long as he could be around him.   
But of course Dele couldn’t really be completely happy, everyday he feared that their time together could be over and Eric would find a girlfriend again and he would be left heartbroken but the more time that went by and Eric didn’t mention any girls or dates in general it got better and the doubts started to disappear. 

 

“I hate being sick I wanna go out and train we have some super important games coming up and I’m just on my couch being useless. And now you are going to leave me as well.” Dele whined while sitting on the sofa wrapped up in around five different blankets.  
“I have meetings like actual work to do. I can’t sit here the entire day just to hold your hand and entertain you so that you are not bored. Stop whining Del you just have a cold and bit of a fever.” Harry said annoyed.   
“Alright just leave me on my own when I am sick.” Dele pouted.  
“Goodbye Del see you tonight and stop being dramatic.” Harry said before finally leaving sick Dele behind.

Dele didn’t know what to do, he looked at his watch and knew that right now the boys would start with training and for the second day in a row he couldn’t be with them and was just sitting on his couch totally useless. Yesterday he at least had Harry to keep him entertained but today he was all on his own.   
He always hated being sick, when he was a child nobody really cared about it and the feeling of loneliness always came hand in hand with being sick even now and especially when nobody was around him.   
Because he felt so incredible lonely he facetimed Sally who had always known what to say to make him feel better. 

“Oh hello Del why are you calling, did something happen to you?” there was an immediate concern in her voice and Dele had to smile about it.   
“No everything is fine I’m just sick and can’t go to training so I’m sitting bored at home.” Dele said   
“ Do you want me to come to London, I can drive over right now.”   
“No you don’t have to I’m alright just a bit bored.” Dele smiled at Sally. 

After the call he felt better Sally had always known how to do that when he was sick. But he was still bored and had nothing to do so he decided that the best thing to do was to take a nap.  
After about half an hour the doorbell decided to wake him up. He got up annoyed and had no idea who it could be. So he opened the door.

“Hi Del thought you might need some company” Eric said while standing in his door smiling at Dele who was more than surprised to Eric here.  
“What are you doing here?”   
“Looking after my sick friend what do you think” Eric answered.  
Dele never knew how much an answer like this could make him smile “are you not scared of getting sick yourself? I don’t think the gaffer would like to see you sick as well”   
“I think I’m going to be alright. Now will you let me in because if we are going to stay out here in the cold for a bit longer I can guarantee you that I will actually be sick as well.”

Eric was by far the best nurse he ever had. Dele could cuddle up next to him, he made him soup and tea and watched hours of dumb sitcoms with him, which always made Dele laugh. He decided that being sick actually wasn’t that bad when Eric was with him.   
As much as Dele had enjoyed hanging out with Eric over the last few weeks they always felt like mates who would sometimes go to bed with each other at the end of the night and while this was what they actually had with each other, Dele always wanted it to be more and to feel a bit different. But today Eric was just great Dele had never seen him like this and he thought that’s how it would feel when you had Eric as your boyfriend.   
At the end of the evening Eric surprised Dele again when he showed no intentions to leave and actually stayed over at his and held Dele in his arms while falling asleep, never before had Dele been this happy while being sick and he thought if this would be the outcome of it, he wanted to have a cold for the rest of his life.


	10. 10

It was nearly Christmas again and Dele sat at breakfast at the Tottenham training ground with Eric Jan Kyle Harry and Toby.   
There was lively chatter like every morning they sat together.

“Hey Eric haven’t heard you talk about your girlfriend in forever is she coming over for Christmas?” Jan asked Eric interested.   
Dele instantly looked up he wondered when the other guys would notice that Eric never talked about her anymore and was interested what Eric would say.   
“We’ve actually broken up we’ve barely seen each other over the last season and decided that staying friends would be the better option.” Eric answered.  
“I thought you two were like big love and soulmate typ shit?” Kyle wondered.  
“Sometimes it just doesn’t work out there doesn’t really need to be a reason for it we both just wanted different things I guess” Eric smiled at the other guys “don’t worry guys I have a big family I’m not going to spend Christmas on my own.”  
“Well you don’t seem to be too heartbroken anymore so any new ladies in your life. How is dating life going?” Kyle smirked at Eric.  
“Don’t know wasn’t really looking was quite alright with being single for a while but I actually have a date tonight friend of mine set it up and she seems nice so I said yes to it.”

Dele looked at Eric surprised he hadn’t mentioned a date to him when they had spent the night together two days ago and he could feel the anxious feeling coming up in him again that he had pushed aside for a while now. 

“Oh nice one mate is she hot” he heard Kyle say. Dele really didn’t want to know more about it he had already heard enough so he got up.   
“You already going Del?”Harry asked.  
“Yeah just remembered need to speak with the physio again.” Dele said and just tried to get away from the conversation. He caught Erics glance at him when he left their table and didn’t even care what he could be thinking about it.

He tried to avoid Eric for the rest of the morning and was the first one to leave the training ground and hurried to his car.   
“Del wait for me, wanted to talk to you” he heard Eric who was jogging after him.  
“What? Need to get home” Dele said.  
“You left pretty fast at breakfast when I talked about my date” Eric said to him.  
“No worriesmate, really just remembered that I had to talk to the physio but it would have been nice if you had mentioned it to me before I thought we are friends” Dele lied.  
“So you don’t have a problem with it because if you have, then you know we can stop this thing between us and just be friends again.”  
“No everything is fine, now let me get to my car I need to be somewhere okay” Dele said while pushing Eric a bit to the side to get to his car. 

On the drive home he was angry at himself he had lived in his perfect little bubble for far too long and had thought that it would never change but of course something like this had to happen one day and he had done nothing to prepare himself for it. But of course things had been going good for quite a while now which in Deles life had always meant that it would all be going in a different direction now.

“What is up with you tonight you are playing shockingly bad it is not even fun anymore to win against you” Harry said while putting his controller down.  
“Seems to not be my day today” Dele let himself fall back on the couch.  
“I hate that I’m even asking but what has Eric done now?”   
“He has a date tonight” Dele answered while looking at his phone, no message from Eric the entire evening.  
“I really want to say told you so but you never listen when I say anything”   
“I know that you are right but I just really want to be with him” Deles voice getting quieter at the end of the sentence.  
“Thanks, was probably the first time you said that I am right about anything. But seriously what is it about him that you are so crazy to be with him. Like I know I’m not an expert at those kind of things but there are probably way better looking guys out there and isn’t he like really boring, he plays like golf and chess and shit like that” Harry said.  
“I actually don’t really know what it is about him if I’m being honest but I guess he just makes me feel safe and at home, which I kind of searched my whole life to find a person who makes me feel like this and to be fair to him he is quite good looking”   
His brother laughed “okay if you say so as I said I’m not an expert in this field” 

Dele couldn’t go to sleep that night and checked his phone about a hundred times but there was no message from Eric and also no activity on his instagram or snapchat.  
In his mind he saw Eric with a gorgeous blonde girl laughing and flirting in some fancy restaurant, charming her with stories about Portugal and telling cute stories about his dogs.   
Maybe at the end of the night he would kiss her, her lips touching the lips Dele had kissed just two nights ago and he wanted to throw up by the pure thought of it. He realized he couldn’t handle any of it. 

The next day in training he heard the date went great and they wanted to go on another one after Christmas, when Dele heard it he could feel his heart break a bit more and felt sick again. The other guys were asking Eric about her and Dele could hear that she was apparently cute and blonde and that she grew up in Spain but her mom was English, she also seemed to be doing her master in sport management at a university in London at the moment. With everything Eric said it just seemed like she looked more and more like his dream girl and Dele thought that he had no chance to compete with someone like her she seemed to be perfect and Dele was everything but perfect. 

He was unusually quiet in training again but the other lads seemed to be too much in a good mood to notice it. Even though his date had went great Eric asked Dele after training if he wanted to come over to his in the evening and even though Dele knew that it wasn’t a good idea maybe it would be the last night he would have with Eric so he said yes. 

They ordered pizza because it was nearly Christmas and they once didn’t want to look at their diet and watched a sappy Christmas movie together. But Dele couldn’t concentrate on the movie even though he usually loved movies like this but he had better things to do he had to kiss Eric, had to put his own lips on Erics, had to touch his face and to remember how good it feels to be near him and how it feels that Eric was all his.   
He climbed on top of him, Deles lips on his neck and his hands going under his shirt.   
“Do I look extremely good today or what is it with you this evening” Eric said jokingly.  
“Please I just need this right now okay” Dele said and he didn’t care how incredible needy he sounded while saying it.   
He couldn’t stop kissing Eric that evening his hands not knowing where to touch first, he had never been this desperate to be near somebody. 

It was later on the evening when Eric had fallen asleep next to him when Dele knew he couldn’t do this anymore, he loved the person next to him way too much to see him slowly falling for somebody else even if it wouldn’t work out with that girl then it would be somebody else. A tear streaming down his face Eric would never see him the same way he saw him would never look at him the way Dele looked at him would never love him the same way he loved Eric.   
Harry had always been right this was like torture and he just wanted to rip his heart out of his body to stop hurting too much.   
The emotional exhaustion of the evening drifted him into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning when Dele woke up Eric wasn’t in bed anymore, he also heard that he wasn’t in the bathroom in the shower so he got up and went down the stairs to find Eric at the kitchen table with a coffee in one hand and his phone in the other. Maybe he was just texting some friends but of course Deles mind drifted to this new girl. 

“Morning” he said when entering the kitchen. The dogs running up to him greeting him with waging tails excited to see him. He sat down at. the kitchen table and it took him all of his courage to say to Eric “I think we need to talk.”   
Eric looked up from his phone “okay what is it.”  
He swallowed, his whole mouth was dry “I don’t think I can do this anymore. I thought I could handle it because this was better than not being with you.” His voice broke but he continued “Eric I can’t just be your mate I want to be more than this.”   
Eric looked at him “I always said feelings shouldn’t be in this and this should just be casual.”  
“Eric this has never been casual for me. I have been in love with you probably from the first moment I saw you. I wanted to be with you so bad that I would have agreed to everything you said. And I don’t want to lose you to some girl I don’t have a chance to compete with so I rather walk away from this now. We might never be friends again but when I go now we can at least co exist next to each other in training without the others noticing too much.” Tears started to stream down his face.  
“Dele I always said that I never wanted to lose you as a friend. Why have you never said anything to me.”  
“Do you know how to tell your best mate that you have fallen in love with him. Because I didn’t know how to do it so it kept quiet.” He said quietly.  
“But I don’t want to lose you Del I really don’t” Erics face was showing panic for the first time.  
“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t just be your friend. And I know you don’t want to have me as anything more than that.” Dele said before he couldn’t stand the situation anymore and stood up running out of this house and with that out of Erics life.


	11. 11

He didn’t go to training that afternoon and maybe if people knew they would say it was unprofessional from him but he just couldn’t leave the house and see Eric again the guy who he just ran away from a few hours ago. Harry had managed everything on the phone said that he wasn’t feeling well and that Dele would go see the team doctor in the evening. And it wasn’t even a lie he felt sick and all the crying had given him a migraine. 

He went to see the doctor in the evening and told him about his migraine and tried to swerve the questions if he was emotionally exhausted because it could be a reason for the migraine. The doctor said he should rest for the next two days and that he would not be available for the game on boxing day and for the first time ever he was glad that he would he be missing a game.

His parents came over to London for dinner because it was the 24th of December and tomorrow would be Christmas and it was a tradition that they would spend the evening together. But this year wasn’t like the last years before and Dele couldn’t even eat his dinner or take part in any of the conversations they had.   
After dinner he helped Sally with the dishes and knew that she was watching him closely.  
“What is it with you today? Tomorrow is Christmas and you look so incredible sad you didn’t eat anything and you haven’t spoken one word over dinner, this isn’t like you. This can’t just be your migraine.”   
His mum took the plate he was holding out of his hand and lifted his head a little bit to see his face.  
He couldn’t do anything other than cry again while Sally held him in her arms trying to calm him down.

Christmas morning went a bit better after sleeping for a few hours he still felt like a shell of a person but at least the tears were gone maybe there just had been too many yesterday and there were no more left for today. He tried to smile when they were all opening their presents together and there was a glimpse of a happy feeling when his parents were really surprised about the joined Christmas gift from him and harry. 

His parents left before it was lunchtime to go see Molly in Milton Keynes for Christmas lunch even though Sally didn’t want to leave Dele, he reassured her that he was okay and was coping with everything.   
On boxing day he didn’t even watch the match and just had his brother tell him that they had won. He was going to go to training again tomorrow what would not be a big problem because all the players that had played today wouldn’t be there so he had no fear to see Eric.  
The real challenge was the first training with the whole squad again which Dele feared more like he had feared his very first training at Tottenham.

When he walked into the changing room that day he could feel his stomach turn inside of him, he was extremely early so that he would be there before Eric. When Eric came In Dele just had a conversation with Sonny who was the perfect person to speak to when you were feeling so down you just couldn’t be unhappy when you were around him.   
Dele didn’t even look at Eric just tried to stay in the conversation with Sonny and he could feel Eric starring at him but he didn’t move his eyes into his direction.   
They didn’t greet each other with their special handshake like they had done every morning since they had become friends and also split up in a different training group, Dele staying close to Sonny and Winksy who both were in an incredible mood and seemed to carry it a bit onto Dele as well.   
He sat with them at lunch as well, seeing Eric in the corner of his eye sitting with Jan Toby and Moussa. 

It became a new routine of theirs going out of each others ways, at first Eric had tried to talk to Dele but soon gave up and it became normal after a bit of time to sit on different tables and trying to split up into different groups in training.   
But still Dele couldn’t stop to overhear parts of conversations Eric had with other people at breakfast, lunch or in the dressing room so even though he didn’t want to know he heard that Eric was still going out with that girl who he now knew was called Eva. In a moment of weakness he had stalked her on instagram and he had hoped to see something about her that wasn’t perfect but she just seemed liked the nicest happiest and realest girl you could find on there. Well at least Eric was happy, Dele thought bitter.

Of course the others noticed Dele and Eric not talking anymore but it seemed like they all decided not to joke and ask about it because it seemed really serious. The only person that had dared to ask him was Harry. 

The striker had invited him over to his house to play fifa and when they were sat on the couch together H asked him “I know that you seem to no want to talk about it but I really want to know what has happened between you and Eric you’ve basically gone from being best friends and always being around each other to not even looking at each other anymore. You know I tried to ask Eric about it as well but he just said it was nothing but it is not just me everyone noticed and questions why you two can’t even sit on the same table anymore.”   
Dele didn’t want to look at H, his face still gave too much away when talking about Eric so his eyes stayed on the big screen in front of him.   
“Well sometimes you just grow up a bit and then you notice that some friendships just aren’t that important and I guess that is what has happened with me and Eric” He hated lying to a person like H who he considered an actual real life friend.   
“But this makes no sense Del because one day you two were best friends and the next day you were ignoring each other”   
Dele could see the confusion on Hs face when he said it and felt even more bad for lying in his face.  
“You wouldn’t want to know believe me” he said instead of thinking of a different lie.

“Oh come on Del you can tell me you know that I wouldn’t say anything to anyone. Did you two have fight was it about a girl perhaps?”  
Dele smiled weakly “no it wasn’t really about a girl, okay please let us just play another game”  
“You said it wasn’t really about a girl so in some ways it was?”   
“Oh my god H what are you, a private investigator or something like that, for fucks sake. If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone okay there are already way too many people that know about this and I don’t want there to be more do you understand?”   
H nodded so Dele began to tell the whole story from start to finish how he liked Eric from the first time he saw him and how much he wanted to be his friend and then later on realized he had fallen in love with him to their first night together at the Euros and the following first heartbreak of Dele and the new relationship they had with each other that in the end hurt Dele so much he had to walk away from Eric.   
H looked at him as if he had just told him that unicorns were real and were about to come to his house for a little visit.   
“Are you serious” he said.  
“No I just thought of this tragic gay love story right now and told you about it.” Dele said jokingly.  
“Wow how can you even function in training anymore like when I imagine that I would have to see my ex girlfriend there everyday I don’t think I could handle it.”   
“It gets easier with time I don’t know I just have to get used to it. I got myself in that situation so I also have to deal with it myself.”   
Dele tried to sound strong and not so heartbroken anymore but it didn’t work completely.  
“So you are gay when I understood that correctly and Eric…?” Dele could still see how confused H looked and it made him smile a bit.  
“Well I can only speak for myself and yes I am gay but I can’t say what Eric is I am pretty sure he isn’t gay but that is the only thing I can say about him.” He explained.  
“This is certainly a lot to take in but I am glad you told me and you can be sure that this will be safe with me. I won’t tell anyone.”  
Dele actually felt better after telling his story to someone from the outside who wasn’t his brother or his mum and was glad that he would now have someone in the changing room that would understand why he was acting the way he was acting.


	12. 12

It started to hurt less Dele noticed in March he of course wasn’t completely over it but he was feeling more and more like himself again.But Eric had ripped a hole in his life that wasn’t that easy to fill again he had after all been his best friend and Dele missed just hanging out with him.

But Dele had gotten better in dealing with Eric, he could look at him again and he could sometimes find himself laughing with him in training and they sometimes sat at the same table in the cafeteria with other players, they weren’t friends anymore but Dele could at least see him without being reminded of his heartbreak all the time.

It was the game against Arsenal when everything changed again it was a tough game and they were 1:0 behind. In the second half Dele was running up and down trying to find ways to get near the goal trying to find a way to pass to H so that he could score.  
In the 79th minute he got a pass from Eriksen and he saw a way to get into the box, when everything suddenly just turned black, he felt an ache in his ankle then there was nothing for a while.

“Del Del please say something” he heard Erics voice and felt a big hand brushing over his face.  
Then the hand was moved away and there was a different voice “Dele are you there can you say something”.

There were different voices in the background and Dele opened his eyes he was lying on the pitch, the team doctor beside him, players standing around him. He wanted to get up but the doc put a hand on his upper body “no no Dele you can’t get up” Dele didn’t know what was happening.  
“Eric” he said softly, he had heard his voice before so he had to be here.   
“Eric can you come here please” the doc said and Eric kneeled down next to him again.   
“Do you know where you are Dele” the doc asked him and Dele just shook his head he had no idea.   
“Can’t you remember we are playing Arsenal right now” Eric said softly to him but there was panic in his voice.   
There was something but Dele couldn’t really put everything together just now. He was moved onto the stretcher and carried from the pitch Eric still by his side till he was off the pitch.

“We are going to get you to a hospital now okay Dele so that we can really check what is wrong with you” the doc explained and Dele nodded again and at that moment he felt incredible sick.   
“I think I’m sick” he could only say before he threw up. “ I am so sorry” he said embarrassed about himself.

They took him to the hospital where he was checked out and the doctor told him that he had suffered a concussion and had strained his ankle a bit which shouldn’t worry him too much. He also said that he had to stay in the hospital overnight because he had suffered a head injury after all and they had to do some further checkups the next morning.

When they brought him to his hospital room for the night he saw a person already waiting for him. And to his wonder it was Eric, Eric standing in his hospital room to check on him, was he hallucinating now as well he thought.   
The nurse told him something about that he should rest and should call for her if he would feel sick again but he didn’t even really listen to her his head was still pounding and his eyes were only on Eric who he still wasn’t sure was actually there.   
“Hey Del you gave me a right scare. Are you alright?” Eric said with soft voice and sitting down next to his hospital bed.   
“What the hell are you doing here?” said Dele confused.   
“Well I saw you going down to the ground and then you blacked out for nearly a minute I thought something really serious has happened to you” Erics voice broke “for a short second I thought you wouldn’t wake up again you just looked so lifeless. And then when you opened your eyes again you called my name.”   
Dele thought he didn’t see right but there was an actual tear shimmering in Erics eye.   
“I was knocked out you can’t really take serious what I said right there” Dele was embarrassed was Eric really the first person he had called for when he woke up again.   
“Can you just go Eric please my head is pounding and I really can’t discuss any of this right now I just want to sleep” this really wasn’t a lie his head really wasn’t in the right place right now to deal with Eric.   
“No I’m not gonna go home right now and leave you on your own. I know your brother is on a holiday and your parents are on their way here but as long as they aren’t here I’m not leaving this room.” Eric seemed to not be joking because he leaned back in his chair with no intention to move again.   
“You know what if you have nothing better to do with your life, stay but this is not going be very entertaining because I am really tired.”   
He felt a real pressure that was weighing down his eyes and after a few minutes he drifted into a deep sleep.

When he woke up again Eric was gone but Sally sat in his place watching Dele sleep.   
“Oh please tell me you haven’t spent the night here. I just have a concussion” was the first thing that was coming out of his mouth in the morning.   
But he wasn’t really surprised of course Sally had stayed here all night that was just how she was.

In the afternoon he was allowed to go home again but was told to rest for the next days and that he wasn’t allowed to do any sort of training for the next seven days because of his concussion what in the process would also help his strained ankle which he should keep still for the next days as well.   
He was glad to leave the hospital again after one night hospitals really weren’t a place where you liked to spend your free time.

“Eric was at the hospital yesterday when I came in” Sally said out of nowhere on their drive home from the hospital.   
“Yeah I know I have no idea why he bothered to come after the match” he really did wonder they hadn’t properly spoken in months but he was the person to run to the hospital right after the final whistle to look after Dele, it just didn’t make sense in Deles eyes why did he come and stay with him till his mum arrived.   
He had gone over their little conversation they had before he fell asleep around a thousand times already this morning but the more he thought about it the more nothing really made sense.   
“He seems to still care about you” Sally said getting Dele out of his thoughts again.   
“I don’t know maybe, maybe not better not to think about it too much.”   
Could the whole Eric chapter in his life never close he thought he had gotten so much better over the last weeks and his days hadn’t been filled with thinking about bloody Eric Dier but now he was back again making himself comfortable in the back of Deles mind.   
And as if he had heard his thoughts a message on his phone from Eric popped up he sighted the message read, _are you home again or still in the hospital if you are at home I really need to talk to you could I maybe come over_.   
Amazing another talk with Eric was exactly what he needed right now with his head still pounding a little bit so he decided to ignore the message for now he wasn’t even home he could deal later with it.

When he was home Sally insisted on staying with him but Dele convinced her that he was a grown up boy and could manage one night alone in his house because tomorrow Harry would be back from his holiday. When he was on his own again he decided to watch a clip of his crash because he really couldn’t remember any of it and was curious of how it all really happened.

He watched the clip and saw the Arsenal player with an amazing tackle had it been American football, running into him, after that he saw himself falling onto the floor landing a bit awkwardly on his ankle and then just lying there not moving.   
The first person who was next to him was Eric, panic in his eyes dropping right next to him on his knees his hands softly stroking over his head trying to talk to him then the doc came on the pitch shoving Eric a bit to the side and Dele opening his eyes and he could see his mouth opening again, one word escaping his mouth and he knew that it had been Eric.   
After that he could see the doc calling for Eric and Eric staying right by his side till he was carried off the pitch.   
It was after that when Eric ran across the pitch to the guy who had fouled him pushing him to the side screaming angry at him and Dele had never seen him like this, with so much anger he was held back by Jan and Toby who tried to calm him down then the clip ended. Dele closed his macbook again, he was shocked how affected Eric had seemed and how much he actually seemed to care.

That was when he decided that he should write Eric back, taking his phone into his hands and writing, _I’m home now all on my own so if you still want to, you can come over. Now would be a good time_.   
After only two minutes Eric replied he was on his way and Dele was nervous he hadn’t really spent time alone with Eric after he had stormed out of his house crying which had now been months ago.

Dele had no idea what Eric actually wanted from him and why he wanted to come over, they weren’t even friends anymore, maybe he just wanted to check if he was really okay after the incident yesterday or maybe not. He was getting more and more curious what Eric wanted from him that he was really glad when the doorbell finally rang, now he would probably get an answer to his question.


	13. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I can't believe I'm posting the last chapter of this story.
> 
> I still can't believe that there were actually people who liked the story, because it really wasn't perfect.  
> So big thank you to everyone who read it!  
> I'm thinking of maybe writting something fluffy for them for valentines day, don't know if anyone would be intersted in that?

When he opened the door there was Eric and Dele got a flashback to the last time Eric had come over to talk to him and how incredible well that all had turned out.  
Eric looked surprisingly nervous which was something Dele had never really seen on Eric before he was not really a person that got nervous before games and stuff. Eric hadn’t said a word since Dele opened the door and Dele got sick of Eric just staring at him.

“Well I can close the door again if you want to stand in silence in front of my door for a bit longer. But I wasn’t the person who wanted to come over.” Dele said a little bit annoyed, Eric had never had a problem with saying what he wanted before so he could do it now as well.  
“You know that I actually should rest my head and ankle and should not be standing in my door for an hour. Can you please say what you want from me” he was really annoyed now.  
He wanted to say something else and then close the door on him but had no chance to do it because Eric moved the three steps they were staying apart closer to him and pressed his lips onto Deles. Dele had no time to think he just reacted and moved into the kiss it was after a few seconds when his brain realized what had just happened and he pushed Eric away.

“What the fuck is wrong with you. Am I some sick joke to you. Do you know how long it took me to kind of get over you.” Dele shouted he was raging what was Eric thinking just coming over to his house not saying anything and then kissing him bringing all the feelings back that he had kind of pushed away.  
“I’m sorry Del but please let me explain please” Dele could see panic in Erics eyes but he just didn’t want to give into Eric again he didn’t want all of this to start again it had just hurt him too much.  
“No Eric I can’t do this again. I really can’t.” Dele just wanted to shut his door again and just forget that the kiss had ever happened.  
“No Del now that I finally know what I want and actually have the courage to say it I am not going before you heard it.” Eric was now nearly shouting as well. Dele really hoped that they weren’t loud enough for the neighbors to hear them.  
“And what do you want Eric tell me” he was still angry but his voice had gone down a bit in fear of his next door neighbors.  
“I want you. I am so incredible dumb for not realizing it earlier that I am in love with you.” Eric looked like he feared that he had said too much and Dele was just lost for words. 

That was all he had ever wanted to hear but hearing it now it just felt wrong not that he had not still feelings for Eric but there were a lot of things which had happened between them and the last time he got closer to Eric it had nearly broken his heart.  
“Eric I don’t know I really can’t…” Dele was stuttering and he just didn’t know what to say.  
“Can you at least give me a chance to explain myself to you. I am not asking for much just that you let me inside and listen to me please.” Dele couldn’t argue that point and there was maybe something in him that was quite curious of what Eric had so say to him so he let him inside.

They settled onto the couch.  
“Well talk then”, said Dele nervously.  
It looked like Eric was collecting his words again before he started “ I’m really sorry Del for how I have acted with you and how I treated you. But just let me start from the beginning, so that you can maybe understand why I was such an idiot. You know when we met I didn’t really like you but I think it was just because you seemed so quiet and shy the first time we met but after that you became your annoying self that had everyone wrapped around your little finger in literally a day and I was quite annoyed by it and swore to myself that I was not going to be on off those people. It lasted exactly two weeks till I had to laugh about your stupid stories and after that I just felt drawn to you and I never before became friends with someone that fast.”  
Eric smiled at the memory of the start of their friendship.  
“And then we hung out together so much, I loved having you around even though you were annoying and so messy. I never realized that it could be more then friendship between us but when I look back at it there sure had been signs for it like how protective I have always been over you. I also didn’t realize that you had feelings for me maybe I also didn’t want to see it. Then comes the night after the Iceland game and I was so disappointed in myself and just didn’t want to be alone and you were there for me and there was this feeling in me that I just wanted to kiss you and I just went with it. The next morning I was horrified I knew I wasn’t gay and I just wanted to get away from everything and I hurt you so much with it". 

Eric paused for a few seconds to look at Dele but then continued.

"The holiday after it I realized that I was attracted to you and it fucking scared me the only person I told was Maria because she needed to know and she said to me that I had to figure all of my shit out. But I couldn’t, but I also just felt really shitty without you so I came up with this dumb idea that we would be a bit more then friends and then when I would find a girl I really liked again we could just be going back to being friends like before. I never thought about how much it would hurt you in the process. And you don’t know how much it scared me how well we worked together and how good it all felt so I had to do something I didn’t want to get used to this thing between us too much. That was when a friend set up the date with Eva and she was so nice probably the woman I have always dreamed of so I had to take my chance and go on a second date with her. And then you happened and you showed me how much I hurt you and I don’t think I will ever forget your face when you were running out of my kitchen, I hated every moment of it. I nearly cancelled my date with Eva because I was feeling so down but then I just thought maybe she could help me get over this strange attraction I have for you. It was horrible seeing you in training I wanted to talk to you but I saw how hurt you were and knew there was no chance to get our friendship back. So I just decided to ignore everything and I started dating Eva and I really liked her and I had fun with her and she was really attractive but I realized she wasn’t you of course she wasn't you there is nobody else like you on this planet."

Eric smiled weakly.

"That was when I fully realized that I had actually fallen in love with you, I dumped her about a week after that but I didn’t want to tell you I just thought there was no chance for us and you just seemed to start being happy again and I still didn’t really know what I really wanted. I was still too scared. Then comes yesterdays match and believe me Del I have never been more scared in my life than when you blacked out and you just looked lifeless. I wanted to cry when you opened your eyes again and called for me. I lost my shit right after you were carried off the pitch and I don’t know what would have happened if Jan and Toby hadn’t held me back. After the game I just rushed to the hospital, you were the only thing on my mind, I just wanted to know if you were okay. And on my way there I realized that I just wanted to be with you and I don’t want to care anymore about that something like us shouldn’t happen in football and how complicated it may all be I just wanted you. When I saw your grumpy face in the hospital again I wanted to kiss you right away but even I knew that this wasn’t the right moment. So after I left the hospital I phoned Jan and told him everything because I had never told anyone about everything that was going on with me and you. And he just said I should tell you all the stuff that I had told him and that is what I am doing now. And I have no idea if I still have a chance with you.” 

Eric ended his story looking at Dele who never had thought that Eric would actually tell him his side of the story and show him his real feelings. As much as Dele wanted to play hard to get and wanted to not give in that easy he couldn’t really help himself when he said  
“ You are so dumb sometimes Dier. I had to be knocked out for you to realize that you actually want to be with me that is some next level shit.” There were tears streaming down his face but he was laughing and smiling at Eric who had looked so scared but now started to smile as well.  
“ You really are so dumb Dier.” Dele said through his tears before he kissed him.

 

Dele didn’t think he had ever been happier than waking up the next morning. When he opened his eyes he saw Eric was already awake and watching him.  
“Why are you starring at me while I am sleeping you creep?” Dele said getting closer to Eric and grinning at him.  
“I could now say something extremely sappy about how fucking happy I am but I don’t really want to embarrass myself on our first morning as boyfriends together.” Dele felt more and more like he was living in his own dream this just couldn’t be real.  
“Good that you didn’t say it then. I wouldn’t want a sappy boyfriend.” he said while climbing on top of him smiling down provocatively at Eric.  
“Shouldn’t you rest because of your concussion.” Eric teased Dele.  
“Because you cared so much about that last night.” Dele responded teasingly.  
“You know that you are actually quite heavy and not that small” Eric said while smirking at Dele and trying to softly tickle him.  
“So you don’t think I am cute” he tried his most innocent smile on Eric who had to laugh.  
“You aren’t cute you are a little brat everyone knows that.”  
“Really am I? Are you sure about that” his hands were teasingly moving over Erics chest and stomach while he moved his ass over Erics crotch slowly grinding against it.  
His eyes all on Erics face who seemed to like what he was doing. He could feel him getting hard again and Dele smiled moving a bit from his position from sitting on Erics crotch so that his hands could get inside of Erics boxers. A little moan escaping the older guys mouth when Dele took him in his hands giving his dick a few strokes.  
“I want you to fuck me” he bluntly said and was surprised to hear the words actually coming out of his mouth.  
“You really want to?” Eric seemed to be surprised as well.  
“Yes I really want you inside me Dier” his cheeks had gone a bit red while saying it out loud but he was sure of it, he had never been more sure of something.

Sleeping with Eric didn’t compare to anything Dele had ever done before and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. He had never seen anything more beautiful then Erics face while he was moving inside him and it felt like he was the only person in Erics world. Dele knew that he had never been happier than on this morning.

They spent the rest of the morning in bed and only got up because Eric had training in the afternoon. They were in the kitchen having breakfast together Dele sitting on Erics lap not wanting to let go of him when they heard the door opening and Harrys voice shouting through the house.  
“Hey Del I am back where are you?”  
“Well that is going to be a bit of a surprise for him” whispered Eric in his ear and Dele had to chuckle before Harry came into the kitchen.  
“Ah here you are… what the fuck. Am I hallucinating now?" Harry looked at both of them as if they had completly lost the plot.  
"I have to be in a bad dream surely this has to be a very bad dream.” Harry said at the sight of Dele and Eric.  
“Well surprise nice to have you back home again.” Dele laughed while looking at the confused face of his brother.  
“You can’t be serious Dele do you never learn from your mistakes?”  
“It isn’t really like the last time I actually want it to be something serious this time around and we are now sort of together.” Eric finally said and Dele smiled he couldn’t hear it often enough that they were dating now and Eric was now his.  
“Good to know. But I seriously can’t leave you on your own can I? You literally got knocked out went to hospital got a concussion and now you are dating Eric. I thought you two would never figure all of this out I was sure I had actually seen the last of you Eric." Harry shook his head but he could also see how happy Dele looked and sighted.  
"But know one thing Eric don’t fuck it up again because I really can’t deal with another heartbroken Dele please I am begging you.”  
“Pffff I wasn’t that bad” Dele responded smiling at Eric who smiled back at him.  
It was in that moment that Dele realized he finally felt like he found his home in life.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to you can say hi to me over on tumblr.  
> It's ericdierownsmyheart.tumblr.com


End file.
